and this is where i've said i've had enough

another funny...

Sun, 22 May 2005 04:34:36 GMT

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you sadly,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL IM's you first and genuinely
listens to you talk endlessly about anything
and everything, even if it's another girl,
She likes you.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says "I love you",
She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "I miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than that

Sun, 22 May 2005 04:28:02 GMT

all i wanted was to do something nice,
don't turn that shit around.
i don't need excuses, their pathetic.
turn your head and pretend youdon't see me here.
whatever, i can be happy by myself,
its something i'm trying out for the time being.
its worked for me so far so i'm going with it.

things can't always be taken so damn personal.
this i'm learning, and still trying to except.
fuck i'm more pissed off then i need to be,
its probably because i'm tired, and need some weed.

well whatever,
fuck it...right?
that was my lesson
goodnight!

<3

Sat, 21 May 2005 03:50:30 GMT

so istarted school....and its AMAZING!!

i love it more and more each day.

this is by far the most happy i've been in sooo long.

<3<3<3

Fri, 13 May 2005 22:44:39 GMT

Faith is a cop out. if the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits.

<3

HAHAHAHA, this was too funny....

Wed, 11 May 2005 03:05:04 GMT

101 rules of hardcore:

1) Be tough at all times.
2) Never cheer after a show, only clap.
3) Be open minded in a "punch people" kind of way
4) Only the good hardcore bands have names that are sentences with bad grammar. Boy Hits Car, Boy Sets Fire, Skycamefalling, Boy Sets Car-fire.
5) Ankles are tough so bring your socks down into your shoes so we can see them.
6) Tattoos are tough especially when they are on your calves. See Rule 5 on how to see said tattoo more clearly.
7) Wear your hoody in the mosh pit because sweating like a wild pig makes you look tough.
8) Don't admit you listen to heavy metal.
9) (Exception to rule Only admit you listen to heavy metal if you think it is ironic and you wear 80's cheese metal shirts.
10) Be a non-conformist, just like all your friends.
11) Practice hardcore dancing in front of your mirror and then try them out the next time Atreyu comes to town.
12) A hardcore band is only original if you call it something-core. Example Screamcore, emocore, Screamocore, mathcore, or Medio-core.
13) Remember, it's fun to punch and kick kung fu style.
14) Keep it in the do-jo.
15) Real hardcore fans are called kids.
16) Complain how hardcore bands are playing with metal bands at all costs!
17) Have your own zine, website, production company or be in a band. Claim you are friends with the singer from Shai Hulud.
18) Tell people you work in the music industry.
19) More Ankles people!
20) Embrace everybody in the scene except for those people who are not you.
21) Refer to bands as old school or new school then act tough again.
22) Pretend that you get Dillinger Escape plan.
23) Shop at second hand stores and then go buy expensive shoes.
24) Beat people up and then go to bible study class.
25) Smoking and drinking and having sex before marriage is too trendy. Real hardcore tough guys abstain.
26) Whatever you do, don't let the singer on stage ever sing in the mic. Make sure you grab it from him and sing in it yourself, after all, you do a better job singing then him. It's a wonder they didn't put you on the album.
27) Start your own hardcore band.
28) Have your logo resemble some random 80's product for nostalgia.
29) Talk about the scene any chance you get. Say as many obscure hardcore bands from NJ as possible.
30) If you are shy start an emo band so you don't have to look at the audience.
31) People who know more bands than you are better than you.
32) Add the Letter X before and after important words. XhardcorekidX XmoshfuckX
33) Never say "Did you hear the new Strung Out?" Unless you are attempting to be funny in which case stop it because hardcore kids are tough not funny.
34) It's merch not Merchandise.
35) Hardcore girls must wear head bands at all times.
36) Stretch your ears out to look more intimidating.
37) The bigger you stretch you ears out the more hardcore you are.
38) Your ear should be stretched out enough to accommodate a block of wood, a hubcap or a penis.
39) People in the front row are best used as a ladder/staircase to reach your goal... steal the mic away from the singer.
40) When people ask you if you like a band always say "I only like the old stuff" or "I haven't really gotten into the new stuff."
41) Buy all of that bands merch.
42) Wear your new merch at the next hardcore show.
43) Repeat steps 41 and 42
44) If you have to wear glasses make sure they are thick, black framed ones.
45) Don't tell anybody but make sure you try on your new vintage clothes and stud belt before heading out to see Poison the well.
46) Never admit you don't like Hatebreed and go see them live 12 times a year.
47) Complain that they are playing with Slayer but don't admit you actually like Slayer.
48) Complain at all costs.
49) Tag team hardcore dancing is cool
50) Real hardcore kids are really struggling photographers.
51) You don't go to hardcore concerts, you go to hardcore shows. BIG difference.
52) Name your hardcore dance moves things like "The mother fuck" or "kick that guys ass move" or better yet... stay home and cry.
53) Protect your body from swinging limbs by sacrificing your two arms.
54) Scream about love.
55) All age venues are important so you are not tempted to drink.
56) Claim you know a guy who knows a guy whose best friend was standing next to the guy who got his ass kicked during Converge. Bash the hardcore scene and then go see The Get Up Kids.
57) Anytime somebody mentions a band always say you know somebody in the band.
58) Wear your pins with honour! Shai Hulud, American Nightmare, Minor Threat and the purple heart of valour.
59) Velcro shoes are cool.
60) Don't admit that you have a crush on the singer from Walls of Jericho. If somebody asks, say you respect her as a musician only.
61) Your band name should contain one of the following words: Blood, Murder, Kill, Victim and butterfly.
62) Print your band name as if it was on a bad printing press. Actual graphics are for posers.
63) Sleep on a portrait painted prettier then everyone.
64) 100 bands from around the world to play in your city. All of them are the world's best hardcore bands. Every label represented, every hardcore genre present. The venue is the best all-ages venue in the world. Tickets are $1.00. It is your job to go around saying the festival should be free.
65) Record producers must make sure to pump the mid because mid is tough.
66) Re-issue your demos after every album.
67) When the band starts playing everybody join hands and make a big circle so we can watch the big kids play.
68) Crying on stage makes you a professional.
69) Complain some more.
70) Album covers must be made at home on Photoshop by your good friend.
71) If you are from New York NEVER smile in a promo pic. In fact always try to cross your arms and look into the camera as if you are going to beat up whom ever is looking.
72) If you are from New Jersey NEVER smile in a promo pic either. In fact try to look like you just lost your girl friend to the hardcore band from New York.
73) Never admit that Emo is Country music lyrics mixed with pop rock riffs and marketed by 17 year olds trying to make their friend be the next Dashboard Confessional.
74) American Idol is your worst enemy. (But you voted for Ruben)
75) You can get away with glitter on your face as long as your stretched ear plugs are clear.
76) Fuck beer, Got breast milk?
77) Bandanas are cool.
78) Bandanas with big X on them are cooler.
79) Bandanas with big X on them were cool last week you poser.
80) Your best friend is a guy named XattackX from Jersey who you chat with on MSN everyday. He is coming to see you one day. Really.
81) Chunky breakdowns in your songs are original and you should continue to do them despite every other band doing them which is clearly a rip off of your band.
82) Judge other bands and always compare them to the socio-cultural effects of the band Integrity.
83) Look up Socio-cultural in the dictionary and then get offended.
84) Green Day is the real reason you are still alive.
85) Describe your group of friends as "the scene" and then watch bootlegs of last weeks
86) Obey the laws of the hardcore scene or forever be banished from the circle.
87) When somebody asks you what is hardcore respond with "I am hardcore" then punch somebody in the face for looking at you wrong.
88) Keep punching
89) Kick a little too
90) Punch
91) Add a threat about their mother for good measure.
92) Pretend you are won the fight then pickup your dismembered left arm.
93) You are wearing the same thing as the 40-year old gas pump attendant but for some strange mystical reason you are cooler than he is.
94) Tell everybody that Trustkill Records are too trendy.
95) Did you stop acting tough? I saw you hug that teddy bear.
96) Pierce you tits and tattoo your body.
97) Straight bangs means straight-edge
98) Being vegan means you can't swallow sperm.
99) When in doubt Mock everything
100) Take everything personally.
101) Assume this list is about you

and it looks like i'm back....great! :-/

Tue, 10 May 2005 06:40:51 GMT

asklndalsnd.ansdlen ,lan,xmnlasndlanldelnalsndkan

i had such an amazing day.
why do i feel like poo again.

i love that i got to spend sometime with joe this evening.
i am very confident about my decision i made.
i just...hate that i had to make a decision.

people, can be, very self invovled.
and i'm trying to learn how to do it.

its 11:38 right now....
or at least thats why my clock says.

i have to be up really early
i need to sleep.

<3

Sat, 07 May 2005 07:24:02 GMT

somethings are better left unsaid.

<3

Wed, 04 May 2005 21:52:05 GMT

You Know You Drink Too Much When...

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.

You have a "happy hour" at home

When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?

You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land

Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car

"Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."

Your favorite drink is ethanol.

"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!"

"I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender."

You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.

You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before

Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while

You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast

You frequently urinate outdoors.

When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.

You fall asleep taking a dump.

You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.

You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.

You find it's easier to study drunk.

You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.

Beer ads make sense.

You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.

You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.

The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".

You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.

You mix your cocktails by the litre.

You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.

You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.

When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.

You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.

You can focus better with one eye closed

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

You fall off the floor.

You discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

The glass keeps missing your mouth.

Vampires get woozy after bitting you.

At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.

Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.

If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.

"Take me drunk, I'm home!"

You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.

You drink to get over a hangover.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.

Get Your Own Addicted Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 02:15:55 GMT

why do i feel like i just got ran over by a truck?

my body is so drained.
my mind is so drained.

i'm so done with this journal, and with this town.

i'm out, for a while.

<3

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 07:50:33 GMT

i had a good day,
really.

a 5 minute conversation
with someone you haven't talked to in months
is soemtimes the best conversations ever.

i can't wait until friday.

<3

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 08:23:56 GMT

for some reason i have this anxious feeling in my stomach....

feeling please go away i have to be to work very early in the morning tomorrow and i need to sleep.

i want out of this boiling pot,
i was happy for a good minute,
its over now though,
i am patiently waiting the time to start school,
3 weeks from tomorrow...

i don't want to be sad anymore.

</3

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 03:56:01 GMT

and this is where i say i've had enough,
no one should ever feel the way that i feel now.

i feel like shit...

<3

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 08:43:54 GMT

this years 420 sucked,
but it made me laugh watching all the stoned people go through the drive through at starbucks, but it got old saying

"welcome to starbucks this is rachel how cna i help you"

and hearing

"um..........um...........i want a grande mocha frappacino, no wait make it a venti....yeeeeeah and venti.....and um......what pastries do you have......um.....yeeeeeeah that sounds good"

and next thign you know we have a $25 dollar order!

what am i talkin about i was jealous cause everyone was fuckin high but me.....

fuck this 420 i'm goin to bed.

<3

p.s.
happy 420 to all

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 06:26:30 GMT

time, its tricky little fucker.
sometimes i wish i had more time and sometimes i wish it would go by quicker.
i am a very impatient person, i can't help that.
time for me tends to go by so slow at times, and sometimes when i want time to go by quicker and its not, i get really bad panic attack type dealies going on.
it sucks, i hate it.

a friend of mine once told me, that even though someone has problems their true friends wont run out on them.
time has prooven this true to me.
friends, are around to help you through those tough times.
but sometimes bad things happen, with those good friends, that make people question things, but i guess thats when you have to remember that they were once there, and have faith in your self, and your friend, that there will soon be a day when your helping eachother again.
if you don't have this faith, then maybe your letting your friend down, becuase you don't always know why these bad things happen.

my dear friend, isn't really speaking to me right now, but his problem he doesn't want help with, and the only way i can help is by giving him time.
this is very hard for me becuase of the impatient thing, but i have faith that when the time is right he'll be back by myside.

always trust your gut.
it never lies.
and if you think that your gut has ever let you down, then you weren't really listening.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 07:53:09 GMT

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 09:26:49 GMT

" A triangle's not a friendly shape ... it's a point, it has sharp edges ... triangles hurt people... "

i think i learn some of the best things from reading this girls away messages.

i hate triangles, they do just hurt people.

<3

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 09:13:15 GMT

"does it comfort you to know you fought the good fight?
Basking in your victory,
hollow and alone
to boast your bitter bragging rights to anyone who'll listen.
While you're left with nothing tangible to gain"

he won on the outside, but deep down he knows he won by playing dirty, and although that sometimes makes it a little funner, or easier, it also makes it not feel as good when you come out on top.

i don't want to loose sight of what i want.
i don't want to loose hope for the best.
i don't want to stop believing that deep down in side everyone is a good person.
but i can't help it, people fuck me over all the time.
its like, a vicious part of the cycle of life.

but i'm trying my hardest to hide my tears behind my smile.
just don't look too closely into my eyes, you might see something bad.

i can't help but not trust too easily.

<3

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 18:55:09 GMT

life is amazing,
but only if you let it be.

be a little more carefree, have fun, and don't regret.
i think those are all the secrets to life.
there are probably more, but these three have gotten me through a lot lately.

<3

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 09:12:31 GMT

i think my eyes were just suddenly opened.

in the end everything is ok.

the drama is over,
i'm ok.

the drama has just begun,
i'm ok.

the stupid shit thats going to happen is going to happen,
i'm ok.

at any given time any given person is able to be ok.

the choice is up to you.

<3

i leave for LA in less then 5 hours,
i need to go pack.

goodnight.

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 10:21:19 GMT

story time....
kinda

there is this boy, who is the biggest drama queen in the world.
he hates me, but he lives with three amazing people who i love and don't want to not be in my life.
sooo, i deal with him. i put up with his shit, and i have for the last 5 months...
but i kinda took a step back, and in the words of bonnie, started doing things for me.
and now i'm not aloud in HIS house. and when i stop by to get something THATS MINE
he throws a fit. why doesn't anyone see when its ONE PARTICULAR person who is cause all of the bullshit to happen.
why do i have to be the first to see it.
then i look like i'm trying to break up the god damn family.
until one day everyone opens their fuckin eyes and realizes....hey i think rachel's right!!!!!
GO FUCKING FIGURE.

i am so pissed off right now, and i pray to god that someone will read this and tell him, because i'm ready for a fuckin brawl, i'm raedy to tear this mother fuckers world in two.

i don't just bullshit,
when i'm ready to fuckin do something,
i fuckin go for it.
ask michelle lenard(how the fuck do youspell that bitches name)
it don't matter,
shits about to hit the mother fuckin fan,
and i'm all smiles!

<3

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 09:17:12 GMT

i had such an unproductive day...
and i didn't recieve the phone call i was waiting for.
i feel like shit.
i want a hug.

tomorrow is a new day.
i hope my phone call comes soon.
and if it doesnt i'll be ok.
but...
i hope it does.

<3

blahhhhhh

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 21:34:14 GMT

aljscnlajsbdkabskdjna
alsjbfkabskbasdkhabsd
akjsbkavhsbdkahbsdkabd'

well my car got fixed,
then it broke down again.
supposedly(again)
its fixed and i get it tonight.

i got really drunk last night,
and i think i had like
the best time of my life.
me dustin, jenn, and jaybird.
gooooooood times.
jamie, sorry for the drunken phone call.....i love you!

i thought there was something else to update about.
oh well....i'm out

PEACE <3

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 06:15:50 GMT

well life is interesting,
i got suspended at work today.
and i know i am getting fired when i come back(on monday)
i no longer work at hot topic.
interesting.

fuck it, i dont' care anymore.

i talked to joe and jason tonight, i love those boys.
dave confuses the shit out of me, i hope the house is ok!

tomorrow night me and dave, applebee's, it will be nice.

<3

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 08:31:03 GMT

so, i need insurance quick. i found out tonight that my car is going to be the one that we take to LA with us this week end. soooo i need it back, which i get tomorrow and i need insurance which i don't have insurance until i get paid on friday, then its not registered, sooooo i need to get that friday too but my mom is buying that, but i also need money for LA!! laksdnkajbsfkjbaskdhlajsdnlasbdglod, life is good.

i got my job back at starbucks, an di put in my two weeks at hot topic, i'mgoing to work for starbucks as long as i can handle then i'm out. but i'm happy caus ei missed thatr place so much.

good night now!!

<3

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 07:08:18 GMT

i should be really upset right now.
and i know i shoudl cry.
but i don't want to.
i think i have become numb to things like this.

i'm torn on what to do for the next month and a half. i want to just bury myself in work again but i know i'm far too lazy now to do that. and part of me knows not to even bother thinking about all of this cause i'm just gonna spend all of my time sleeping. and i'm ok with that i love to sleep. its an amazing thing.

akjsfnaspjalsndlajsbnjasd
i'm too bored to think about all of this, i'm gonna go watch roseanne, if anyone wants to hang out tomorrow i odn't work, and i don't want to be bored at my house all day. call me!!

<3

never miss the people in your past cause there is a reason their not in your future.